Greetings From Nashville TENNEYYEESEE.
The time is currently 8:15 in California, and 10:15 in Nashville, unfortunatley.

It is hot, humid, and bug infested. It's a lot like the movies. The frogs and crickets drown out all thought if your standing outside at night. Welcome to South. Something horrible called a chigger might bite you if you get too close to the woods, and there is absolutley nothing to do, especially if your up till two am because you barely feel like it's midnight. The lifeguard at the country club is a pretty cool dude if you can forgive the fact that he calls himself "Gotro" and he sent his number with your eleven year old sister because he wants to hang out with you, despite the fact that you live a 3 1/2 plane ride away. The people talk with a twang, and they all have big hair. Really.

Onto the juicy stuff: My dear old daddy.
This was quite the adventure I've come on. I got on a plane by myself, to a city I've never been to, to go to someone's house whom I have never met.
No, there was not a tearful wonderful first meeting. There was an awkward first hug, followed by him confessing that he just had a drink because he was nervous, and he's going to go have another. Over the course of the evening he will have that drink, two beers, at least two shots of tequila, and kahlua & coffee. The good news is, he shares.

The first question he asks me if was whether I had a fake ID, because he could take me somewhere. I giggle, and say I used to date a bartender, why would I need a fake ID? He bursts into rolling laughter, and says "Well, how do you think you came about?"

He talks about my mother. He says the first time he really knew he liked her was when he first saw her dance. It's strange to watch him talk about her. Despite the fact that my existence came about due to a brief and pointless relationship, he remembers her. Fondly, and in the most funny idealistic of ways.

His wife is nice, and taking my presence well. "Hi, I'm your husbands illegitimite offspring!" Very well in fact.

My siblings - There's Noah, he's adorable, reminds of Zachary. He's a strange kid, and quite precocious. Alena is in that awkward talks too much and wants to be on top of people stage, but she seems smart and once she has herself figured out she'll be in a better place. She can a bit much to handle, gets into all my stuff, but I guess thats what sisters do.

My father is trying to all this bonding shit like bake brownies and cook mexican food, watch movies, introduce me as his daughter and hand feed me pico de gallo. It's all a little too movie scene for me, but whatever I guess. What really irks me, suprisingly, is that he keeps touching me. Not in a creepy way or anything, just like a normal dad, but it really skeeves me out. I'm not really the warm fuzzy type as it is, and I don't really know the guy, but it's getting difficult to supress the urge to supress the urge to yell "GET OFF ME. I don't want your arm around me, please sit over there, and I swear to god if you put your head in my lap ever again I will never come back."
But I digress. It's a nice thought but I just can't do it.

I really want to come home.
There's nothing awful happening, but I miss California, and my friends, and my mommy, and even Larry. I miss Shaun, and cuddling and knowing where I am.

I wanted to meet my dad, but that's it. I want the fuck out of here.
Maybe I'll feel differently tommorow morning.. but right now, I'm homesick as hell.

Well, I was recently asked if I was ever going to post again, so this is me posting. The reason I haven't yet is because I have been crazy busy and I have a ton of stuff to do.

-I moved out of my parents house last week due to unfortunate and very ugly fight that involved douchey larry spitting in my face.
-My rent is currently $315/mo plus water/electric. Please feel free to contribute.
-Things I currently need:
-A bathroom trashcan
-A Blender
-More cleaning supplies
-A dresser
-A large mirror
-More lights.
________

My roommates are pretty much the most awesome people ever.
John is my actual bedroom mate, he works for Cheesecake Factory, is 23, and makes me laugh constantly. He also cuddles Michelle on a semi-regular basis. He has emo tendencies, AND IS SO MESSY I WANT TO SCREAM. All that aside, he's an awesome guy.
Shaun has the room down the (very short) hall. He's way cleaner than John, or possibly even me, but is way passive so he let's the apartment get.. gross. We watch Bones at night together, and if I didn't live with him, I would totally have a big crush on him.

I haven't seen Phil in weeks, but for some reason he still seems to believe we are still dating, and loves to call at 3 aM.

My biological booked my flight to Tennesee(land of being years behind), it's official! I leave July 17th, and return the 22nd. I'm terrified and excited at the same time.

Also my head hurts.
Lesson to the wise: Just because you have your own apartment, do not stay out until 3 am.

CLICK THIS.
Do I look anything like the man in the middle?
Because, apparently, he donated half my genes.

It never ceases to amaze me how much my father can disapoint me.

Even when I offered to do what he's been to bugging me to do for the last ten years, he simply says "We'll talk about it."

I'm starting to understand that he never really wanted me to do it. He just didn't want to come here.

I'm not suprised, but I am disapointed.

How do you make a human life and never want to come face to face with it?

I am so angry.
And it may not be the healthiest approach to dealing with this extremely ugly break up, but I'm trying to focus on the angry part.

Don't get me wrong, little things creep up on me now and then.

I remember this one time, and this seems so trivial, he was putting gas in his car, and I was standing by the passenger side, and he came around and hugged me from behind. He put his arms round my shoulders, and kissed the side of my head.

I remember him looking at me from the grass in the park, and telling me how much he liked me, and how his affection for me has grown. I remember talking about our little apartment and how we were gonna arrange the furniture.

I remember him telling me that there wasn't any serial killers up in the mountains, and putting his hand on my leg to reassure me.

Everytime these little things crop up in my head, I try to remember the fact that he's a cheating bastard.

It works about half the time.

Can someone please explain to me how Nicole fucks my boyfriend, and I did something wrong?

today is one of those days where i just want to pack my shit, empty my bank account and take the fuck off.

i want to go to the beach and fuckin party with the bums.

and then i want to spend a night in my car with fluffy blankets.

I want to change my number and take off for a city at least an hour away. I want to get a job waiting tables and rent a room from a crazy cat lady who will warn me to have "my gentlemen callers out by morning."

I want to stop talking to everyone.

And in a year, maybe I'll come back. And maybe I'll talk to a few people.


Maybe Bethann will already be in Georgia, and Brittany will be in San Diego.

Maybe I love it wherever I go, and maybe I never come back. Maybe I'll "pimp the nation" as Eddie so accuses me of doing.

Maybe some boy will be left here pining for me.


I'm probably crazy for thinking like this.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person who thinks like this.

Because tonight, I really considered packing and driving to the beach with a lot of blankets.

Last night was not my finest hour.

( This is hard to write, and it may be harder to read. You've been warned. )

I don't know. I guess I'm just going through a rough patch right now. Someone please tell me it's going to be ok.

Despite the fact that I presently have no where to live, this made me a little happy.


He says "Let me take care of you."
"You know, when you spend time with someone, and start to get to know them, you like them more and more."

"Bingo, where are we going to our laundry?"
"My parents house. I'll do it for you. I do good laundry. It smells good."

I chose happiness.

He says "Mychal. My girl."

Mychal is content.